Labs Proves Existence of Dark Suckers
For years it has been believed that electric bulbs emitted
light. However, recent information from Bell Labs has proven
otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit light, they suck dark.
Thus they now call these bulbs dark suckers. The dark sucker
theory, according to a Bell Labs spokesperson, proves the
existence of dark, that dark has mass heavier than that of
light, and that dark is faster than light.
basis of the dark sucker theory is that electric bulbs suck
dark. Take for example, the dark suckers in the room where
you are. There is less dark right next to them than there
is elsewhere. The larger the dark sucker, the greater its
capacity to suck dark. Dark suckers in a parking lot have
a much greater capacity than the ones in this room. As with
all things, dark suckers don't last forever. Once they are
full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the
black spot on a full dark sucker. A candle is a primitive
dark sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You will notice
that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing
all the dark which has been sucked into it. If you hold a
pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, the tip will
turn black because it got in the path of the dark flowing
into the candle.
these primitive dark suckers have a very limited range. There
are also portable dark suckers. The bulbs in these can't handle
all of the dark by themselves, and must be aided by a dark
storage unit. When the dark storage unit is full, it must
be either emptied or replaced before the portable dark sucker
can operate again.
has mass. When dark goes into a dark sucker, friction from
this mass generates heat. Thus it is not wise to touch an
operating dark sucker. Candles present a special problem,
as the dark must travel in the solid wick instead of through
glass. This generates a great amount of heat. Thus it can
be very dangerous to touch an operating candle. Dark is also
heavier than light. If you swim deeper and deeper, you notice
it gets slowly darker and darker. When you reach a depth of
approximately fifty feet, you are in total darkness. This
is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake
and the lighter light floats to the top. The immense power
of dark can be utilized to mans advantage. We can collect
the dark that has settled to the bottom of lakes and push
it through turbines, which generate electricity and help push
it to the ocean where it may be safely stored. Prior to turbines,
it was much more difficult to get dark from the rivers and
lakes to the ocean. The Indians recognized this problem, and
tried to solve it. When on a river in a canoe travelling in
the same direction as the flow of the dark, they paddled slowly,
so as not to stop the flow of dark, but when they traveled
against the flow of dark, they paddled quickly so as to help
push the dark along its way.
we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were
to stand in an illuminated room in front of a closed, dark
closet, then slowly open the closet door, you would see the
light slowly enter the closet, but since the dark is so fast,
you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet.
In conclusion, Bell Labs stated that dark suckers make all
our lives much easier. So the next time you look at an electric
bulb remember that it is indeed a dark sucker.
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