Drunk Flynn

[InLove]

Fantastic

[fifi2004]

Thanks for the laughs

[hellcat]

Three Irishmen and three Englishmen are travelling by train to a
football match in London.

At the station, the three English each buy a ticket and watch as the
three Irish buy just one ticket between them. "How are the three of
you going to travel on only one ticket?", asks one of the English..

"Watch and learn," answers one of the Irish.

They all board the train. The English take their respective seats but
all three Irish cram into a toilet and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed the conductor arrives to collect
the tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.

The conductor takes it and moves on. The English are mightily impressed
by this, so after the game, they decide to copy the Irish
on the return trip and save some money.

When they get to the station,
they buy a single ticket for the return trip... To their astonishment,
the Irish don't buy a ticket at all !! "How are you going to travel
without a ticket?"asks one perplexed English.

"Watch and learn..." says one Paddy.

When they board the train the three Irish cram into a toilet and soon
after the three English pile into another nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterwards, one of the Irish leaves the toilet and sneaks across
to the toilet where the English are hiding. He knocks on the door and
says, "Ticket please...."

[hellcat]

An Australian ventriloquist visiting Scotland walks into a small village and sees a local man sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Scotsman "G'day, mind if I talk to your dog?"
Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."

Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"

Dog: "Doin' allright."
Scotsman (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Dog: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: ?"Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Scotsman: (look of utter disbelief),
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Scotsman: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think."
Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool"
Scotsman: (absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Horse: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Scotsman: (total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Scotsman: (in a panic) "The sheep's a liar."

[Mike]

Very Funny

[kazthorn]

An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude.
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed 'YES, YES, I WON, I WON!'

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumb founded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'
The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'

MORAL OF THE STORY

Not all Irish are stupid; not all blondes are dumb; but all men are men.

[Mike]

Brilliant

[hellcat]

Classic but entirely true.

Bet she was a North Side Dublin Girl.
Mike will know what I mean.

[Mike]

Originally Posted by hellcat

Classic but entirely true.

Bet she was a North Side Dublin Girl.
Mike will know what I mean.

I do

[InLove]

Originally Posted by kazthorn

Not all Irish are stupid; not all blondes are dumb; but all men are men.

So true. Thanks for the laughs