labels, announcments and instructions! ha ha ha

[sheen]

• In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
  
• Notice outside an American factory: "CLOSING DOWN, THANKS TO ALL OUR CUSTOMERS."
  
• Sign in an American hospital "GUARD DOGS OPERATING."
  
• Sign in a bargain basement store "DON'T GO INTO ANOTHER SHOP TO BE CHEATED - COME IN HERE."
  
• Sign outside a Mexican disco "MEMBERS AND NON-MEMBERS ONLY."
  
• Sign in a Mexican city hotel "BROKEN ENGLISH SPOKEN PERFECTLY."
  
• Law in Kansas: When two trains approach each other at a crossing, they shall both stop and neither shall start up until the other has gone.
  
• Sign in an American drapery shop "GENTS' TROUSERS SLASHED"
  
• Sign in an American chemists "WE DISPENSE WITH ACCURACY"
• In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
  
• German-English text book - After a certain time cheques are stale and cannot be cashed. (Business English from A-Z Page 53)
  
• Notice on a soup terrine in a German cash and carry store (called Metro) - Erbsensuppe | Pie Soup - I think it should have been pea soup.
  
• Sign in a travel agents in Barcelona "GO AWAY!"
  
• Sign in a Paris restaurant "WE SERVE FIVE O'CLOCK TEA AT ALL HOURS."
  
• Sign in a French swimming pool "SWIMMING FORBIDDEN IN THE ABSENCE OF A SAVIOUR."
  
• In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.
  
• From a restaurant in France: A sports jacket may be worn to dinner, but no trousers.
  
• On the menu of a French restaurant - egg - "an extract of fowl, peached or sunside up."
  
• Sign in a hotel in Ankara "PLEASE HANG YOUR ORDER BEFORE RETIRING ON YOUR DOORKNOB."
  
• Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
• - English well talking.
• - Here speeching American.
  
• In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions.
  
• Sign in a British school "IF YOU THINK YOU'VE GOT A PROBLEM, YOU SHOULD SEE THE HEAD."
  
• Sign in a British hospital "DANGEROUS DRUGS MUST BE LOCKED UP WITH THE MATRON."
  
• Sign outside a British night club "CLOSED TONIGHT FOR SPECIAL OPENING."
  
• In a British community centre "VISITORS WITH READING DIFFICULTIES SHOULD PROCEED TO FRONT DESK FOR INFORMATION."
  
• Advert in a British shop window "HOME WANTED FOR FRIENDLY LABRADOR. WILL EAT ANYTHING - LOVES CHILDREN."
  
• On the door of a Moscow hotel room: If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
  
• Sign in a hotel in Madrid "IF YOU WISH DISINFECTION ENACTED IN YOUR PRESENCE, CRY OUT FOR THE CHAMBERMAID"

[Mike]

They are great, I love those sort of things

Mike...