Airplane Engineer Reports

[TheGuru]

Just in case you need a laugh: Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

p: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mo de.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

An old one but funny

[Benny]

Brilliant. Most I've laughed in a while

[TheGuru]

It is a good one isnt it

I used to work as an electronic engineer fixing faults, we used to use the following terms on the report sheet.

Fault: The system is FUBAR'd (Very Broken, unable to fix)

Fix Carried Out: TASWAG (Total and Stupid Will Ass Guess)

Advice Given: RTFM (Read The Flippin Manual)

Advice Given: STFW (Search The Flippin Web) (I learnt this term recently)

[Benny]

Originally Posted by TheGuru

Fault: The system is FUBAR'd (Very Broken, unable to fix)

Yep, techie terms I'm familiar with. The one above stands for something like: Flipped Up Beyond All Recognition ;-)

Foo and Bar are often used as names in examples of computer programming code.