The best bad jokes ever... Puns

[london_girl]

okay sad i know ... but bet some make you chuckle

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

](*,)

[Elanza]

Number 4 is my favourite!

[Hyno]

Here's a few more!!!

1 - A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Gladwrap for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

2 - Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!

3 - I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
And he said, "No, the steaks are too high."

Brilliant!

[Hyno]

YOU'RE BACK!!! \/

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!!! :-k

I see\saw no point in being in a fourms that didn't agree with me.
No one shared\shares my point of not paying Benny because he tricked me.

[Hyno]

Originally Posted by Catz

I see\saw no point in being in a fourms that didn't agree with me.
No one shared\shares my point of not paying Benny because he tricked me.

It would be a very boring world if everyone agreed with everything all of the time. You may just have to accept that we saw things differently.

I don't want everything!!!
i just want this!

[TheGuru]

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"























(you're gonna love this)







(wait for it)





!








The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."


(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are.........)

Never take life too seriously! Come on now, you grinned, I know you did!!!


AND IF YOU DIDN'T, LIGHTEN UP WILL YA!!!