A few chuckles

From some medical lists apparently true...


By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

On the second day the knee was better and on third day it had completely disappeared.

She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.



The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.

Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

The patient has no past history of suicides.


Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past 3 days.

She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in seperate directions early in December.


The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

The patient was in his usual good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.


She is numb from her toes down.

While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

The skin was moist and dry.

Excellent

A few more I found hilarious...
These are apparently genuine insurrance claims...


"The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind."

"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."


Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?
A: Travelled by bus?

The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were -
Q: What warning was given by you?
A: Horn
Q: What warning was given by the other party?
A: Moo.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment

"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."

"Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."

"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

"As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before."

I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull."

"I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way."

"The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him."

and from children....
Exam answers Wonder how many passed


Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.

The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.

I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.

Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.

Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do.

Water vapour gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.

Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water.

A blizzard is when it snows sideways.

Don't knock the weather; nine out of ten people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in awhile!

Probably the last completely accurate forecast was when God told Noah there was a 100 percent chance of precipitation.

If you see a heat wave, should you wave back?

Why not move the political conventions to one of the winter months, so all the hot air won't go to waste?