IT Help Desk Funnies

[madcat]

This is for the Computer buffs. Some of the comments are too close to home, for comfort, but have a laugh anyway!!

Female customer: A white one ...
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ..."
Customer: No ... wait a minute ... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk ... sorry ....

Helpdesk: Click on the 'My Computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello ... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on Start for me and ...
Male customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates goddamn it!


Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it
says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it ...

Customer: I have problems printing in red ...
Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer?
Customer: Aaaah .................... thank you.

Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me ...

Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening ...

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah... that one does work!

Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter 'V' as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

A customer couldn't get on the internet.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry ... Internet Explorer.

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!

Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?
Old woman: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem?
Old woman: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?!?

Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it?

Ah that has to be one of my favourest emails of all time

Found this one some time ago. still makes me chuckle
Great post above. I could never work on a help line.



"Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." "Went away?"

"They disappeared." "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" "Nothing." "Nothing?" "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" "How do I tell?" "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" "What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?" "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?" "What's a monitor? "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?" "I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?" "Yes, I think so." "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall." "Yes, it is."

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?" "No." "Well, there are.

I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." "Okay, here it is." "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." "I can't reach." "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?" "No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?" "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark." "Dark?" "Yes -the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then." "I can't." "No? Why not?" "Because there's a power failure." "A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.

Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?" "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

"Really? Is it that bad?" "Yes, I'm afraid it is." "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?" "Tell them you're too *&^&^& stupid to own a computer."

[TheGuru]

They are excellent, I work in IT and they are so true


TheGuru