One very distressed cat.....

**fluffymel** · 06-12-2007, 09:05 AM

Hello, I have just joined this forum in the hope someone can help me. I adopted a 7 year old female Birman cat on Sunday but am having a great deal of trouble getting near her as she swears each time I get close to her. I can understand her feeling fed up, she was very attached to her previous owner and that it will take time for her to adapt but I have never had problems with a cat not wanting to be touched. She is eating and drinking and using the litter tray with no problems and even let me sit in the room while she was eating last night so its just the anti social behaviour and how I can get her over this. Can any one give me any ideas on how to win her over? She is in a room by herself, has her own bed and "house".
Thanks for any advice.
Melodie

**TheGuru** · 06-12-2007, 09:12 AM

My advice would be go slowly, trust takes time to build up. In my opinion the worst thing you could do is try and stroke her too soon.

Im sure our resident cat expert MadCat will post an answer for you soon

**fluffymel** · 06-12-2007, 09:20 AM

Thanks Guru, as I'm sure you know if a cat doesn't want to know they just don't want to know, all good intentions on my part aside. No chance of me touching her yet as I can't get near her so no harm done there

**TheGuru** · 06-12-2007, 09:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fluffymel

Thanks Guru, as I'm sure you know if a cat doesn't want to know they just don't want to know, all good intentions on my part aside. No chance of me touching her yet as I can't get near her so no harm done there

You can try putting a worn article of your clothing near her bed, bringing it closer to her bed day by day. This is a way of getting her used to your scent.

Another thing to be aware of is that cats do not like being directy stared at as they see it as a sign of agression.
Many cats will come over to you if you look at them briefly then look down at the floor as they see that as a friendly and non threatening gesture.

Sorry if you know this already, I wasnt sure how much you knew about cats

**fluffymel** · 06-12-2007, 10:17 AM

Thanks for the info. Guru. I wasn't sure about the clothing thing in the room, I think she has a lot to contend with at the moment as I already have 4 cats and their smell is already in the room.

I have lived with cats all my life and my parents used to breed them (Siamese) so I am used to certain idiosyncrasies but this is the first time I have had one that is adamant it doesn't want to know.
I have all the patience in the world for her but I don't like seeing her so fed up.
The previous owner has just had a baby and didn't want the cat around. The anger may stem from feeling displaced with the baby and now being moved out but I am not sure.

**TheGuru** · 06-12-2007, 10:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fluffymel

Thanks for the info. Guru. I wasn't sure about the clothing thing in the room, I think she has a lot to contend with at the moment as I already have 4 cats and their smell is already in the room.

I have lived with cats all my life and my parents used to breed them (Siamese) so I am used to certain idiosyncrasies but this is the first time I have had one that is adamant it doesn't want to know.
I have all the patience in the world for her but I don't like seeing her so fed up.
The previous owner has just had a baby and didn't want the cat around. The anger may stem from feeling displaced with the baby and now being moved out but I am not sure.

You know a fair bit about felines then

Im sure that you have considered that the new addition may just be one of those surly loners, however its typically male cats that are like that

It is early days and time will tell, please keep us updated of how it goes.

**madcat** · 06-12-2007, 12:18 PM

Sounds like you know a lot about cats and have a fair idea of what to do.

If she lets you sit in the same room whilst she is eating, then this is a good sign as she trusts you a bit, or she would not eat.

My advice is to sit in her room, on the floor so you are at her level and talk to her in a low quiet voice. Doesn't really matter what you say as you know they can't understand too much. You will have to do this for at least 5 mins every day, more if you can.

If you dont try to invade her space, and she gets used to your voice and smell, in time as she starts to trust you she may come closer.

Also, offer her treats to see if she will come closer to you, but dont try to touch her until she is ready.

Please let us know how you get on... you can always post and we will try to advise. I am not a vet, but will do my best to help you with the knowledge I have

MadCat

**fluffymel** · 06-12-2007, 02:03 PM

Hi Madcat, thanks for your advice. I have been popping in the room and just sitting alongside, well, as close as she will let me before she starts swearing, and talking gently to her a few times every day. Seems I am doing what I should be then going by the posts from yourself and Guru so I will literally wait and see. It is just so sad that a cat should feel this way and I wondered if I could do anymore to help ease her sadness.
Just now when I went in to talk to her she was in her basket and laid there a while before getting up and going into her "house". She seemed a little bit calmer doing that as yesterday she laid there rigid not knowing quite what to do. As you quite rightly mentioned the fact she let me sit there (I didn't dare move for want of frightening her away) whilst she ate seems a good step forward.
I will keep you posted and thanks for all your help.
Melodie

**TheGuru** · 06-12-2007, 02:23 PM

Its good that she has a house to retire in and have her own space.

I think you are doing all you can at the minute

The only other thing that could help is something like Feliway click here to find info about it.

Keep us posted

**fluffymel** · 06-12-2007, 04:47 PM

Hi Guru, yes the house came with the cat so it is her very own territory which is good. I think she would be hiding behind the settee that is there if she hadn't the house to hide in.
Each time I go in there she does seem calmer, her eyes are not so goggly and wide bless her. Mind you I am calmer too knowing I am doing what I can and in the right direction so she will pick up the vibes too.
Like the idea of the Feliway, if I don't get much progress in the next few days I shall see if I can get it sent out (I live in Spain) so thanks for that advice.
I shall keep you posted.
Melodie

06-12-2007, 09:05 AM	#1 (permalink)
fluffymel Junior Poster Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 17 Credits: 136 Nominated 0 Times in 0 Posts TOTW/F/M Award(s): 0	One very distressed cat..... Hello, I have just joined this forum in the hope someone can help me. I adopted a 7 year old female Birman cat on Sunday but am having a great deal of trouble getting near her as she swears each time I get close to her. I can understand her feeling fed up, she was very attached to her previous owner and that it will take time for her to adapt but I have never had problems with a cat not wanting to be touched. She is eating and drinking and using the litter tray with no problems and even let me sit in the room while she was eating last night so its just the anti social behaviour and how I can get her over this. Can any one give me any ideas on how to win her over? She is in a room by herself, has her own bed and "house". Thanks for any advice. Melodie

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06-12-2007, 09:20 AM	#3 (permalink)
fluffymel Junior Poster Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 17 Credits: 136 Nominated 0 Times in 0 Posts TOTW/F/M Award(s): 0	Thanks Guru, as I'm sure you know if a cat doesn't want to know they just don't want to know, all good intentions on my part aside. No chance of me touching her yet as I can't get near her so no harm done there

06-12-2007, 10:17 AM	#5 (permalink)
fluffymel Junior Poster Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 17 Credits: 136 Nominated 0 Times in 0 Posts TOTW/F/M Award(s): 0	Thanks for the info. Guru. I wasn't sure about the clothing thing in the room, I think she has a lot to contend with at the moment as I already have 4 cats and their smell is already in the room. I have lived with cats all my life and my parents used to breed them (Siamese) so I am used to certain idiosyncrasies but this is the first time I have had one that is adamant it doesn't want to know. I have all the patience in the world for her but I don't like seeing her so fed up. The previous owner has just had a baby and didn't want the cat around. The anger may stem from feeling displaced with the baby and now being moved out but I am not sure.

06-12-2007, 02:03 PM	#8 (permalink)
fluffymel Junior Poster Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 17 Credits: 136 Nominated 0 Times in 0 Posts TOTW/F/M Award(s): 0	Hi Madcat, thanks for your advice. I have been popping in the room and just sitting alongside, well, as close as she will let me before she starts swearing, and talking gently to her a few times every day. Seems I am doing what I should be then going by the posts from yourself and Guru so I will literally wait and see. It is just so sad that a cat should feel this way and I wondered if I could do anymore to help ease her sadness. Just now when I went in to talk to her she was in her basket and laid there a while before getting up and going into her "house". She seemed a little bit calmer doing that as yesterday she laid there rigid not knowing quite what to do. As you quite rightly mentioned the fact she let me sit there (I didn't dare move for want of frightening her away) whilst she ate seems a good step forward. I will keep you posted and thanks for all your help. Melodie

06-12-2007, 04:47 PM	#10 (permalink)
fluffymel Junior Poster Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 17 Credits: 136 Nominated 0 Times in 0 Posts TOTW/F/M Award(s): 0	Hi Guru, yes the house came with the cat so it is her very own territory which is good. I think she would be hiding behind the settee that is there if she hadn't the house to hide in. Each time I go in there she does seem calmer, her eyes are not so goggly and wide bless her. Mind you I am calmer too knowing I am doing what I can and in the right direction so she will pick up the vibes too. Like the idea of the Feliway, if I don't get much progress in the next few days I shall see if I can get it sent out (I live in Spain) so thanks for that advice. I shall keep you posted. Melodie

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