[hellcat]

An Australian ventriloquist visiting Scotland walks into a small village and sees a local man sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the Scotsman "G'day, mind if I talk to your dog?"
Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."

Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how's it going mate?"

Dog: "Doin' allright."
Scotsman (look of extreme shock)
Ventriloquist: "Is this villager your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Dog: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?"
Dog: ?"Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play."
Scotsman: (look of utter disbelief),
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
Scotsman: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either....I think."
Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
Horse: "Cool"
Scotsman: (absolutely dumbfounded)
Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" (pointing at the villager)
Horse: "Yep"
Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements."
Scotsman: (total look of amazement)
Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Scotsman: (in a panic) "The sheep's a liar."