If you think your appraisals were bad this might make you feel better. These are real appraisals from the Royal Navy. Enjoy 
Compiled from Navy staff performance appraisals
Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig
His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity
I would not allow this employee to breed
This employee is really not so much of a has-been but more of a definite won't be
Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap
When she opens her mouth, it seems it is only to change feet
He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle
This young lady has delusions of adequacy
He sets low personal standards then consistently fails to achieve them
This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot
This employee should go far and the sooner the better
Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together
A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus
He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless
He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier
I would like to go hunting with him sometime
This medical officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my officers to carry him from bar to bar
He's been working with glue too much
He would argue with a signpost
He has a knack of making strangers immediately
He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room
When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell
If you see two people talking and one looks bored he's the other one
A photographic memory but with the cap over the lens
A prime candidate for natural deselection
Donated his brain to science before he was done using it
Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming
Has 2 brains, one is lost, the other is out looking for it
If he were any more stupid, he would have to be watered twice a week
If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change
If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean
It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000 other sperm
One neuron short of a synapse
Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, he just gargled
Takes him 1 and 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes
The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead
The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship
Technically sound, but socially impossible
This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere
When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably
He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age
This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better
In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet
This would fit right in on the Humour section of this website