Here's stuff from my website.
A handful of cat jokes.
* Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new laprecord.
* Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.
* What is the difference between a cat and a comma? One has the paws before the claws and the other has the clause before the pause.
* What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat? A peeping tom.
* Why don't cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
* What is a cat's favourite song? Three Blind Mice.
* What did the freshman computer science major say when he was told thatthe work stations had mice? Don't you have a cat?
* What is a cat's way of keeping law & order? Claw Enforcement.
* How did a cat take first prize at the bird show? He just jumped up tothe cage, reached in, and took it.
* Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court? For kitty littering.
* Why did the litter of communist kittens become capitalists? Because theyfinally opened their eyes.
* Why are cats better than babies? Because you only have to change a litterbox once a day.
* What is the name of the unauthorized autobiography of the cat? Hiss and Tell.
* What do you get when you cross an elephant with a cat? A big furry creaturethat purrs while it sits on your lap and squashes you.
* What does a cat do when it gets mad? It has a hissy fit.
* What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? The purrpatrator.
* What happened when the cat went to the flea circus? He stole the wholeshow!
* What is a cat's favourite colour? Purrrrrrrple!
* Where does a cat go when it loses its tail? The retail store.
* What does a cat like to eat on a hot day? A mice cream cone.
* What do cats use to make coffee? A purrcolator.
* What do you call a cat that has swallowed a duck? A duck filled fattypuss.
* If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on?Their paws.
* Why is the cat so grouchy? Because he's in a bad mewd.
* If there are ten cats on a boat and one jumps off, how many cats are lefton the boat? None! They were copy cats. * Is it bad luck if a black cat follows you? That depends on whether you'rea man or a mouse.
* How does the cat get its own way? With friendly purrsuasion.
* What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew.
* What has more lives than a cat? A frog because it croaks every night.
* What is a cat's favourite subject in school? HISStory.
* What do cats like to eat for breakfast? Mice Krispies.
* How do cats end a fight? They hiss and make up.
* What's happening when you hear "woof... splat... meow... splat?" It's raining cats and dogs.
* Why are cats such good singers? Because they're very mewsical.
* What do you call newborn kittens who keep getting passed from owner toowner? Chain litter.
* What is the cat's favourite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
* How many cats can you put into an empty box? Only one. After that, the box isn't empty.
* Why do you always find the cat in the last place you look? Because you stop looking after you find it.
* If a cat can jump five feet high, then why can't it jump through a threefoot window? Because the window is closed.
* What is a cat's favourite movie? "The Sound of Mewsic."
* What does a cat that lives near the beach have in common with Christmas? Sandy Claws.
* Where is one place that your cat can sit, but you can't? Your lap.
* Why did the cat put oil on the mouse? Because it squeaked.
* What side of the cat has the most fur? The OUT-side.
* What is a cat's favourite car? The Catillac.
* What kind of cat will keep your grass short? A Lawn Meower.
* Why did the judge dismiss the entire jury made up of cats? Because eachof them was guilty of purrjury.
* What do you use to comb a cat? A catacomb.
* Why did the cat run from the tree? Because it was afraid of the bark!
* Why is it so hard for a leopard to hide? Because he's always spotted.
Cat Facts, Tips and Information.
Hi there!
Just giving you some facts, tips and information on caring for your cats.
CAT FACTS AND INFORMATION.
A cats labour should not be interrupted just left alone. After the labour donÂ’t touch the kittens or disturb their home if it can be safely avoided.
4. Make sure to feed the mother cat and not touch the kittens until at least one month old even then try not to for it will only cause havoc and the cat will move her kittens to a maybe unsafe place 5. If the mother cat dies or disappears try to get another mother cat to accept it by 1. wiping it with ham 2. put it with her kittens make sure to keep checking it to make sure it is being fed and make sure to feed the new mother however none of these things are necessary if the mother accepts it straight away.
If on the other hand the mother does not accept the kitten (s) then you will have to take care of it yourself
TIPS FOR TAKING CARE OF YOUNG KITTENS.
For taking care of very young kittens you will needÂ…(if you do not have a cat that will adopt it) 3 small low food bowls one for water one for milk and one for food. It is very important that a kitten has a fresh supply of food water and milk even if kitten does not drink the water.
You will need a lot of newspapers for putting under trays and for soaking up unwanted piddles on the floor. You can start weaning the kitten to use a tray anytime because cats are one of the cleanest animals in the world. Then as your kitten gets older you can train it to go outside for its ''business''.
Also you will need cat toys especially scratching posts and some type of chewable toy to help avoid the kitten scratching furniture and chewing wires. (Even cats need these things.)
Last of all you will need a cat bed, cat eye medicine in case of an infection.( I find Boric Acid very effective it may sound bad because of the word Â’Â’AcidÂ’Â’ but is not nearly as bad as it sounds.) If you get the infection at an early stage then you will be able to get rid of it and save a trip to the vet.also you will need worm tablets, a groom kit is very important for a cat will shed lots of hairs if not brushed everyday, vet number in case of an emergency and a litter box (kitty litter, sand or ashes to put in the tray)
A Tip.
Spaying\Neutering cats\kittens helps prevent unwanted kittens.
If you don't want kittens (Or you are not allowed to have them) then please spay\neuter you cat\kittens.
A FEW CAT FACTS.
A Persian cat will need its hair brushed at least three times a day.
A longhair cat will need to be brushed not as much brushing as a Persian but recommended at least twice a day.
Tortishelle cats are always female.
An adult male cat will bite the heads off young kittens born to a different male. So you are advised to not let an adult male near any kittens until the kittens are at least two months old even then avoid it.
If you have an adult male living in the house then you will either have to have him nutered or get something to spray around the house (Ask your chemist) because he will mark his territory and you will have a smelly house.
Do not give a young kitten a worm dose. Because if they are too young it will kill them also in some cases they stop eating and drinking and they suffer from lack of food.
Picking the Right Cat for You.
A Persian cat would be right for you if... you have a lot of time on your hands and don't mind brushing cats alot and also don't mind lots of hair around the house. Persians need alot of caring for and espically large doses of T.L.C!
A longhair would be right for you if... you had time to brush it love it and feed it. Cats are not something you can leave in the house all day and then ignore it when you get home if you are going to do that then you might as well not have a cat at all.
A medium hair would be right for you if... you had little time to brush it and had lots of time to care for it.
Cats give you so much pleasure and ask very little. They ask for a warm place to sleep a everlasting suply of water and a bowl of food a day.
A shorthair would be the right pet for you if... you have very little time to brush it and not that much time to care for it. The thing with shorthair and mediumhair cats is they don't have to be indoor cats because they do not have lots of hair to dirty so they can be outdoors.
A Hairless cat would be right for you if... you do not like brushing cats and do not have the time. Hairless cats to some people (like me)may look ugly but that is just a matter of opinion. But in my opinion Hairless cats should be put indoors in case they get cold.
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